Monday, 27 February 2017


VIRGINITY of Lokono wives upon marriage was not important for ordinary women, but was always important for the women in the ruling class of the Clan (because we considered a chaste woman to be spiritually superior to ANY man - and considered misfortune in crop harvests etc to be related to the lack of chastity of our ruling family women who were the ones to traditionally bless the growing plants until they were ready to be harvested after the men planted the this nurturing power was vested in our women and required dedication and strict commitment on their part to maintain this spiritual superiority for the sake of the people who depended on being able to eat plant food from the spiritual power of the women - who's actions could cause abundance or crop failure), it was not some 'new concept introduced by the Church'... neither was monogamy for ordinary men in the tribe (traditionally only the Chiefs - and all Chiefs traditionally were hereditary - had the right to have multiple wives), and since I was always a greedy child (used to nurse both my mother's bosoms dry and still want more) I tried to be slick and the day BEFORE I married my own virgin (like my mother, grandmother, great grandmother etc) wife (I was 19 & she was 17) - I told her " well since I am a descendant of Hereditary Chiefs I think it is important that I maintain the tradition so I MAY take additional wives later in our marriage"...she smirked and (I realised later sarcastically) said 'Sure' I thought it was a done deal.....then day AFTER we were married - she basically tells me "You are NOT getting any other wives besides me, I will kill you first - as I am NOT sharing you with anyone" LOL (and there are native people around the world who know this story and had a good laugh at me...poor innocent me - just trying to keep hope alive like Jesse Jackson!).
Also, since I took my wife's virginity on the night of our marriage (which was the FIRST time we were allowed to be alone), it would be very dishonorable, dishonest & disgraceful for me to discard her after taking from her what no-other man will ever have, and after she lay at death's door (in childbirth) 5 times to bring children into the world for us. If she desires to leave ME one day I must accept it with dignity because she is NOT my slave, and it was ME who asked her to marry ME - not the other way around. I have no right to dictate her life to her - as she basically did ME a favour to marry me, their were other men in the tribe that were courting her for 2 YEARS before me, I just came on the scene and in 7 days we went from being total strangers to being husband and wife & making our first child

But for the youth who do not know - due to the distractions and moral vacuum of modern day society, here are:


Step 1 - The young man professes his love for the girl and promises himself to her, her family, and their future children and grandchildren...then if the girl accepts his words to be true..

Step 2 - The young man then professes his love for the girl to her mother and father and asks for their permission to marry her, and he offers to become as a son to them and take care of them as he would to his own mother and father, and to become as a brother to her sisters and brothers - and take care of them as he would to his own brothers and sisters.
Step 3 - If the mother and father of the girl accept the young man as speaking the truth of his feelings, and if they (after inquiring about him in the community) deem him to be of the right moral character (sober, peaceful, honest, brave, generous, loyal) and to be physically fit and able to provide (as a good hunter, fisherman, and farmer) for their daughter and future children - they will give him their permission to marry their daughter IF she wants him in the first place.

Step 4 - The groom then takes the bride to live with him in his family circle, or he moves in to live with her family circle, and builds his own house either near to his own parents or to her parents; so their children will not be deprived of at least one half of their grandparents, and neither will the grandparents be deprived of their grandchildren....for what a grandparent will teach a grandchild - a parent cannot, and what joy a grandchild can give to a grandparent - a child cannot.
The 3 generations living together represent the past, present, and future, no balance can exist in a home deficient in any one of these 3.


This was my own experience 24+ years ago as well, and ALL these factors have made me think only of trying to resolve any problems that might arise in my own marriage (mainly caused by me) because we made solemn vows and from my own perspective - not only did I ask (and convince) her to marry me (not the other way around) I also gave my word to her mother and father AND all her brothers and sisters, and if I let our marriage fail I hurt not only the two of us (because it WILL hurt me too - though I may fool myself that it won't), but our parents, our brothers and sisters, and our children - and all the cousins and other family members continuing down the line who rejoiced at our union in the beginning...marriage is NOT something to be taken lightly by anyone, it is a very great responsibility and privilege if done the right way and for all the right reasons, but like a family - it is truly a TEAM EFFORT, and EVERY member of the family team must accept their personal responsibility to contribute to the greater harmony of the family circle as well....for no man is an island, we are all connected to each other on levels seen & unseen, but always FELT - sooner or later.

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