Tuesday, 7 October 2014

NEW - WHY DO MOST FATHER'S HAVE TROUBLE TO SAY 'I LOVE YOU' TO THEIR SONS?

From left to right - our dad Geddes, eldest son Russel, middle son Craig, only daughter (and eldest sibling) Lisa, last child Damon (me) and our mum Audrey.

Dad with mum on her 70th birthday some years ago - surrounded by their grandchildren

WHY DO MOST FATHER'S HAVE TROUBLE TO SAY 'I LOVE YOU' TO THEIR SONS?

Is it a regional, strictly urban...or perhaps a global phenomenon?

I am referring to the seeming inability of most fathers to say the words "I love you" to their own sons....saying it to daughters (I imagine) is usually no problem at all.....is this due to the 'macho' culture? And where did this 'macho' culture originate? And when?

What is wrong - or so 'difficult' for a father to tell his own son that he loves him?

This 'psychological problem' is nothing new folks, I was pondering this for many hours recently and realized, much to my dismay, that I cannot remember a SINGLE time in my 41 years of life that I ever heard my own dad say those words to me....but  I KNOW (as do all my siblings) that we are the center of the universe for our dad and mum (mums says it to us 24/7 lol)....but dad only SHOWS it - he never 'says' it.

Sure I received lots of hugs, pats on the back, and other constant acts of love, kindness and support etc. from dad, but it really shocked me to come to the realization that he never actually said those words to me (that I can recall anyway), nor can I remember hearing him say 'I love you' (our one and only older sister might be the exception) to anyone except mum.....was the 'stiff-upper lip' - 'show no emotion' way dad was raised the reason why he became like this? Not that I am chastising my dad - because I idolize him and mum, I am just realizing and accepting something I never really came to grips with before.

When my second child (and first daughter) died 20 years ago on the reservation in Guyana at 3 days old...it was dad who flew from the Caribbean island of Barbados - to Guyana South America (his first trip there) and made the then long and arduous overland journey all the way to Pakuri Lokono-Arawak Territory in a World War 2 Land Rover...to physically console me with his assuring and protective presence, and he brought my then 1 year old first child (eldest son Hatuey) back to Barbados with him for his safety - as we did not know what caused the death of our baby girl and knew not if it was something contagious...because my wife's older sister Lolita also lost her newborn baby 7 days after mine....yeah, so dad came to the rescue at the lowest point in my life (thus far)....and has always been a co-pillar of support (with mum) in our family.

On another occasion - when Dad got news via a long distance phone call one night - telling him that his youngest brother had just died - dad did not mention it right away to us because we were having a family get-together...and he 'did not want to upset anyone else with the sad news'....so dad tucked his shock and grief away - deep down inside himself, and continued to allow us to have a good time enjoying each other's company..until the party was over....because THAT is the kind of man our dad is....never putting himself first in anything.  

So in closing, be a true 'gentle man' (dad never got drunk or said a swear word or hit anyone in anger in his life), a faithful and devoted husband, the best father and provider, a doting grandfather....all of which my dad WAS and IS.....but ALSO remember to say those 3 little words to your children, both daughters and sons - "I love you"....for words have power....even if we do not realize it yet.  

 Dad when he came to the reservation to 'rescue' Hatuey (in his arms)
 Dad with some of the Lokono-Arawak children in the family on Pakuri Territory
 Dad holding me at the beach next to mum when I was 5 years old
Dad hugging me when I was 11 years old.

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